Tuesday, August 21, 2012

August 21st

First of all, thank you to Jon for being the first to wish me a Happy Birthday on this blog. Yes, it's my birthday and yes, I'm fucking old. STFU.

Not only am I working on my birthday, but guess what I'm doing at lunch time today? I'm going to the post office to ship brownies to a grumpy person! There's some irony for you. Oh and Lindy was 100% right. After the brownie batter was scraped into the baking pan and in the oven....the brownie covered bowl and spoon were calling me and yep, mmmmm I had a taste. Frigging yummy! Oh and I hada brownie after they were done too. It was almost my birthday for Pete's sake! They're delish.

So I'm in the elevator of my building riding up to my office this morning and there's an unfamiliar man in the elevator with me, going to a different floor and he says to me, something like:

"It can't be that bad, why so glum?"

(this is just me in my early morning/precoffee/anti-social stance)

For some bizarre reason, I reply:

"I'm really not that glum; in fact, it's my birthday."


As soon as it came out of my mouth I thought "Why the FUCK am I telling strangers it's my birthday?".

And he replied:

"Oh my God, it's my birthday too!"

Now, of course my reply was something akin to "bull shit!" but he insisted that it is in fact,his birthday too. In fact, he said:

"August 21st, 1958! How about you?"

So of course I told him the year I was born too...so yeah, I told a random person in the elevator my birthday including the year. Weird. We wished each other a happy birthday and then he got off on the 4th floor. Sweet guy though...assuming he isn't lying.

I got into work and my boss gave me a HUGE bouquet of ROSES. Very sweet also. Not quite as good as say, having the day off, but that's okay...I had a bunch of days off last week.

Okay work calls, and then I'm off to mail the yummiest brownies ever. Assuming of course, you like thick, rich, dark decadent brownies WITH NO NUTS.

Bake smart.

Josie

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Guitar Cake


Evan's birthday cake. He got a red left-handed electric guitar for his birthday and a matching cake.

I didn't think to take pics until after I carved the cake out of a rectangle.

You can see the template I cut out of a manilla folder in the background above.


The neck of the guitar is made of Rice Krispie treats and the rest is vanilla cake. At this point I put the base coat of frosting on.


Frosted the neck. The black frosting is actually banana flavored.


Getting there....


The guitar strings are the only inedible part, which are embroidery thread. The thingys on the end are Sugar Babies.


Finito!


My first and probably last guitar cake. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.


This one isn't made of cake!

Josie

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Douche Baggery is Afoot

I was witness to a particular bit of douche baggery at Foxwoods on Saturday night that bothers me. Believe me when I play a tournament I'm very competitive and will do anything in my power to win, but I want to win because I earned it not because I'm a douche bunt. What, you've never heard the term douche bunt before? That is an old nickname of mine, coined by none other than Gary...The Crafty Southpaw.

Gary started calling me Douche Bunt because, as he put it " for when douche bag or cunt just aren't enough". He combined the two terms just for me! Ain't he sweet? He then shortened it to DB and hasn't used it in a while, I'm happy to report.

Anyway, let me tell you about this douche bunt move I witnessed. I was in the 8 seat, while the 10 seat and the 3 seat were in a big hand. Mr. 10 Seat was a regular and sort of recognized me as having played with me before and started chatting immediately in a friendly manner. He was in the process of getting a massage and was recommending I do the same. BTW he had a huge crush on his massage therapist and seemed quite worried she was sleeping with our waiter....our very very obviously gay waiter. Lemme just say that hetero men in their early forties do NOT have gaydar. Anyway, he kept telling me that I should have his girl rub me down. Hmmmm I always thought that I wasn't a fan of massages, but I may have been mistaken. I've never had a massage at the felt - and don't know if it would be as good as a massage where I'm relaxed and at ease. So anyway, I'm pondering this when Mr. 10 and Mr. 3 are in their heads up match.

BTW Mr.3 is the douche bunt in this scenario. There had been HUGE raises, reraises and calls both pre and post flop and the pot was huge; the type of pot that could make or break a tournament. Here comes the turn and Mr. 10 is pondering his next bet. This was a deep stack tournament and each player started with one red 5k chip. The problem was the 5K chips didn't really stand out beneath the orange 1k chips. They were very hard to see, which is why Mr. 10 said to Douche Bunt...

"How many 5K chips do you have in your stack?"

silence and crickets chirping

"How many 5K chips do you have?"


silence

"I'm just trying to figure out how much you have behind you."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I need to know so I can make a decision on my next bet!" He started getting agitated...

"Oh, so you're just checking?"

"Yes, I'm just checking!"

The dealer hears the word "checking" and starts to turn over the river card while Mr. 10 yells "What are you doing, I haven't bet yet!".

The douche bag says "He checked!" knowing full well that his opponent hadn't. The dealer hears both sides, along with actually hearing the word "checking". The cherry on top is that the douche bag also claimed Mr. 10 made the classic hand gesture which means checking, which is a very bold lie. The dealer quickly decides to end this by turning over the river card, which is an ace.

Mr. 10 is furious and tells the dealer that he cost him chips. He states he was preparing to bet there and thinks he would've gotten a call. The floor is called over. He hears the sob story along with others (like me) corroborating his story. Floor guy decides that the play must stand as is. The dealer did hear the word "checking" after all.

Okay. There's still a bet to come on the rivered ace. Mr.10 jams all in baby!

What does the douche bag do?

After the jam, Mr. Douche Bag claims that the ace should be buried and a new card flipped over because of the previous controversy.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The floor guy was walking away when he was immediately called to return as the DB is insisting it's the right move. That damn ace must be burned!

OMG what a fucking cheating douche bag!

The ace stood where it was an the douche bag folded to the all in call. I'm still bothered by how unethical he was. He was a young guy, who I know I've played with before. I won't ever forget him and hope I see him again at Foxwoods.

Now about my poker uniform....Gary mentioned on his blog that he had to tell me to fix my top once or twice. This is true. Truly it doesn't seem that low at first. The thing is it's quite loose so it sort of kept drooping....and a bit of my bra was showing. After he mentioned it more than once, I snapped a pic.

I'm not thrilled with the pic. At all. I had to leave my house very early that morning so there was no time to blow dry my hair - it just sort of curled and puffed out. Bad hair and less than stellar make up application. I wasn't going to post it but it illustrates how my bra is showing more than a bit. This is why Gary motioned to me to cover my unmentionables.

Now since I'm incredibly vain, below is a pic of my hair when it's blowdryed.


Much better, right? BTW the top is a "sometimes" poker uniform. It's cool because it has these tiny hook and eye closures so I can close it up if I feel like it or leave it open.

Since I'm posting pics below are a couple from the 4th of July:

Boom! Taken in Salem, MA right before the downpour.

Also before the downpour.

Well that's it for today kiddos.

Play smart and don't be a douche bunt.

Josie

Friday, February 17, 2012

Wake for Wake

Tim Wakefield, #49, knuckle ball pitcher extraordinaire retired today from the Boston Red Sox and from major league baseball.  He had the distinction of being the oldest active Red Sox player as well as being the one with the most longevity with the sox.  Obviously being a knuckleball pitcher helped out here.  Throwing the ball at 60 mph instead of 90 mph will indeed prevent burn out.

BYE WAKE.  Mama's gonna miss you, your blue eyes and they way you filled out your uniform.  *sigh*

You see, I LOVED Wakefield for over a decade.  Yes I said loved, and I'm not one to throw the EL word around.  Anyway, I heard the news earlier in work.  My minions here ran over to my office as soon as word was out.  My love for Wake was well known everywhere including the office because if he was pitching, I'd get first dibs on leftover (free) sox tix.  :)

Gary, as you can see from his post, thought of me immediately as well and emailed me.  Below is the exchange:

Gary: I just heard the news – I’m so sorry.  I’m going to create a post asking people to be extra nice to you because you’re likely emotionally fragile right now.

Josie:  What the heck are you talking about?

Josie: Is this a bad joke?


Josie: Ohhhh Wakfield!!! It IS a bad joke. he's old and he retired - get over it.



Gary: hey – he doesn’t make ME all squidgy below decks. I was offering compassion.


Josie: LOL Well thank you for the compassion. Much appreciated. Obv we knew it was coming. You SURE he doesn't make you squidgy?



Gary:  look, maybe a little, but he is devastatingly handsome.


Heh.  That he is. Now even though I'd heard the news mebbe twenty minutes before this exchange, I put it completely out of my head and it took me a couple of minutes to figure out what/who Gary was talking about.

Why?  Well it's me, not him.  I wonder if it's my Sicilian nature.  :)  After a decade of loving him from afar (and sometimes closeup, praise Jesus) he pissed me off.  Once he did that, I just never felt the same way.  Let that be a lesson to you boys!

I go koo-koo crazy for celebrities and sports figures and went nuts whenever I met him for a signing.  The second to last signing I saw him at was a big one.  Practically the whole team was there and each had a little table set up where they'd sign and fans would go from player to player.  Me?  Not so much.  I got my autograph, and then a photo taken with him *sigh* and after that, just stayed beside him and watched him up close for the rest of the day.  I chose that eperience over standing in line and getting other autographs and it was the right choice.  :)  Instead of standing at the back of the line, he said I could stand next to him and his table and watch him sign the many items. (!)  Awwwwwwwesome.  Helluva day and memory.  Poor guy def thought I was a crazy lady, kept laughing at my ridiculous fawning and was very nice.

Later on I got my photo of he and I together printed out and wanted THAT signed.  He was at a small signing that my friend was going to so Evan and I went as well.  Evan was very small at the time - prolly 7 yrs old - maybe 8.  Evan was standing in line to get a photo with him and didn't really know what to do.  When Evan's turn was up, he didn't immediately run to Wake....he was like a deer in the headlights.  Wake started YELLING at him to hurry up, that he didn't have all day.  If I didn't see it myself, I wouldn't have believed it but I did and I was crushed.

Of course, not so crushed that I didn't want my photo of him and me signed.  I did.  When I got to him I started chatting ad nauseum (I love you Wake!) and then he proceeded to sign the photo.  In the photo he was wearing a black shirt and he grabbed a black sharpie to sign it....even though he had every color of the rainbow in front of him.  Just as he started I yelped "Stop!  It's not showing up!  Can you use a different color/"

He said NO and kept on signing.

He signed in black ON THE BLACK SHIRT.  Can't even fucking see it unless you angle the photo just so, and yes I still have said photo.  He and I went back and forth on this a bit (as I'm sure you can imagine) but he refused to sign it again.

I was crushed at the way he yelled at Evan mostly, as well as crushed by his lack of concern for what I thought was a precious item.  I mean I KNOW it wasn't precious to him, but it was obviously precious to me.

It wasn't a conscious thing, but ever since, I just felt meh about him.  I still enjoyed watching his knuckleball dance, and enjoyed games where he pitched but the "ga-ga" was gone gone.  Still is.  I respect what he's done for the Sox and his game but he doesn't reside in the uber tiny Grinch like heart of Very Josie anymore.  Done.  I'm sure it's the Sicilian in me.

That doesn't negate his awesomeness as a pitcher though.

Play ball.

Josie










Quickie

I suck. :(

I played so badly in last night's tournament I can't even tell you.  Okay maybe I can.  I was pushing too hard with mediocre hands and lost chips early which I HATE.  I wound up in 96th place which sucks ass.

Then I played in a ring game with Duggle and Gary.  Thank you both for donating to the Very Josie fund.  Heh.  I turned $4 to over $20.  :)  THAT was fun.  Gary cried "uncle" first....regardless I stayed up way too late playing - reminded me of the Full Tilt days, and went to bed after 1am.

Ugh.

Have a nice long holiday weekend my dears!  Cranky email me about Foxwoods!  : D

Play smart.

Josie

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Pictures and Poker UPDATED

I found my tourney!  It starts at 9:30 Eastern Time.  $44 Buyin Deepstack, Guaranteed $3,500 and it's tourney # 48852082.  Maybe if you're watching I'll play smart.  I'm VeryJosie (surprise surprise) on BCP.

As promised, this is me and my new haircut waiting for the bus this morning.  I dunno if straightening my hair makes it toooo flat.  As I said I might let it go a little wild and poofy like the good ole days.



My sister got me the scarf for Christmas. 
It's cashmere and awesomely soft.  Oh and it also happens to be the color of my blog! 


Note the cruddy graffiti at the bus stop.




In work!  You can see my plant behind me!

As I said, I'm playing a tournament tonight on BCP.  As soon as I figure out which one, I'll update this post with the information.  See ya tonight!  BTW I've already taken the necklace and eaarings off and soon enough the yellow blouse will be replaced by a Papelbon sweatshirt!  Oh Paps!  I miss you already.  :(

Play smart.

Josie


Hairy

I get my hair cut maybe 3 times a year, tops.  In other words, not all that fucking much.  So I was very overdue for a haircut....something my sister kept kindly reminding me of.  "Oh my God look at those dead ends.  You're hair is fried.  Cut it off." You know, sweet stuff like that.  Although she IS a hairdresser, so she knows what she's talking about.

Anyway, last night she held an intervention.  She stopped by at like 7pm with her equipment bag.  Ut oh! (hi duggle!) She said she was supposed to give someone a hair cut but that was cancelled and she had time to do mine NOW.

Fawk.

So I got my hair cut.  It seemed like a ton was falling off, perhaps because she thinned it out by adding layers.  It used to be one length, all long.  Now there are short bits all throughout and the lack of bulk made it poof up last night.  This morning I blowdryed it straight and it looks pretty good.  I took some pictures of it to show my friend, so I do have a couple of pics of it that I can show you tonight.  No, they're not all that exicitng. It's me waiting for the bus with a coat and scarf on. (Boston is coooold today) and then as soon as I got into the office because you couldn't really see the length of my dark hair against my black coat.  Anyway, FBoy did ask for pics today too.  Talk about timing!  So swing by tonight for some boring pictures.  I may try to leave my hair curly/poofy to see which looks better with the new cut.

What?  You don't want to know about my hair ad nauseum?  You came here looking for poker talk? 

Okee dokee!

I've decided to play that re-entry tournament.  You get to enter on Friday and then if you donk out, you have one chance to re-enter on Saturday, with the final game on Sunday. I like the idea of this soooo much better than a rebuy.  I'm not sure if I'll just do the Saturday/Sunday thing and skip Friday (I can do that!) but I like the idea of having an extra attempt.  We'll see.  In the mean time, I'll living, breathing, reading and practicing poker until the big day.

To that end, I plan on playing a large tournament on BCP tonight to practice.  Feel free to rail me and watch.  I can pretty much guarantee I'll be leading the pack early on, and then possibly throw it all away.  Unless I figure out a way to fix the latter half of my game.  We'll see.

Play smart.

Josie

PS.  My boy Waffles is going through a tough time right now.  Waffles, you need to know that things will get better and will not stay as bad as you think they are now.  For real yo.  Bottom line is you have two children who love their dad very much and that will never change.  Also, you have literally hundreds of online friends who care about you, and I am at the front of that pack.  Take care baby. xoxo PS Glad you're reaching out to attorneys.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Re-Entry VS. Re-Buy

Does anyone know about re-entry tournaments?  I'm thinking of playing one in the wsop circuit that's going around and I don't really understand the difference.

There is an Event 2A, then an Event 2B on the following day, and then day 3 after that.  So I'm guessing if I bust out of Event 2A, I can play 2B the next day.  Unlike a rebuy, where you can just buy back in immediately.  Do the people that DIDN'T bust out of 2A also play 2B or do they just wait for day 3?

Also, what are the best strategies for playing this type of tournament?

I'm thinking this type of tournament would be good for my aggressive style as I'd have a safety next to get back in if I went too crazy....but is uberaggressive the best mode for this tournament?

I know NOTHING and I need to know EVERYTHING. Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Spank you very much.

And since I'm asking questions - an interesting situation came up during my league finale game.  They were down to 3 peeps, two shorties and a big stack. Let's say prizes were 1K, 600 and 200 for third.  One of the shorties wanted a deal that whoever wound up 2nd and 3rd they'd split 2nd and 3rd prize for 400each.  The chipleader woudn't agree to this.  Then the 2 shorties said they'd agree to it among themselves regardless of what the chipleader thought - assuming the 2 shorties didnt win, obv.  Can they make that sort of agreement, without all 3 being in agreement?  They DID.  I just wonder if such an agreement would be kosher in a real poker room.

Play smart.

Josie

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Pure Misery

You might've already heard this, but last night I resumed The Very Josie on Black Chip Poker, and I was not pleased.  Not pleased with BLACK CHIP POKER, that is.  Why, you ask?  More than a couple of reasons,

1.  3 different guys tried to sign up but were unable to because of techinical issues.
2.  I was promised a personalized BCP badge for my blog and was told at the last minute they were behind and maybe I should make it myself.
3.  The best part of the tourney should have been chatting with my biatches but I was unable to - BCP doesn't allow for that if you're knocked out.  (Thank you Bayne)
4. Even when I was still in the game, I STILL couldn't chat with the other table....only my own.  WTF is up with THAT?
5. I was unable to transfer funds to anyone.  Apparently I have to send them my ID or something before I can make transfers.

There were other things about the website I didn't like but those were the top 5 and they're big enough to make me question doing this again. Especially the no chatting thing.  OMFG

Those biatches were talking about me and I could do NOTHING about it, not even respond with a carefully spelled F-bomb.  Boooo!!!!

You may have noticed that I've been Grump's bitch for the last 12 hrs or so.  He and I had a last longer bet for the game, and that was what he requested.  I am to please! (not really but a deal's a deal)  He wasn't even the one who took me out, Bayne did.  Fricking Grump - maybe if I could get that 10-7 hand out of my head I could play better against him. (long story) Regardless, I got knocked out when someone UGLY called my raise in the big blind with 6-3 sooted crub.  (Grange this is ALL your fucking fault)  Flop was 3 crubs and yes, one of my aces was a club.  I bet, he jammed and I called. There were no more clubs to be had so  GG Very Josie.  Blah...

Items of note:

A.) Tony was chip leader for most of the game - very impressive Tony!  He went onto cash in 3rd place.
B.) Rob  - also impressive - he can actually play poker.  Who knew? He took 2nd!
C.) Grump went onto be the bubble boy.  Hee Hee...No cashy, Bitch!  :)
D.) Lightbulb won.  Guess Lightning can strike in 2 places at once.  He won the very first Very Josie back in 2010.

OMG The things they were saying about me.  The lies!!!!  LOLLLLLLLLLLLL If only I could've responded.  I'll see if BCP can do anything about that.  It was a fun night, but could've been a lot more fun if I wasn't gagged.

Grumpy, just you wait till I come to Vegas - it's only a couple of months away.  Someone needs a slap! Or 2, or 3.....

It's Valentine's Day so enough about misery, let's talk about love.....a love song for Valentines Day!

I don't believe the devil
I don't believe his book
But the truth is not the same
Without the lies he made up


Don't believe in excess
Success is to give
Don't believe in riches
But you should see where I live


I....


I...


believe in love


Don't believe in forced entry
Don't believe in rape
But every time HE passes by
Wild thoughts escape


I don't believe in death row
Skid row or the gangs
Don't believe in the Uzi
It just went off in my hand


I...


I...


believe in love


Don't believe in cocaine
Got a speed-ball in my head
I could cut and crack you open
Do you hear what I said


Don't believe them when they tell me
There ain't no cure
The rich stay healthy
The sick stay poor


I...


I...


believe in love


Don't believe in Peyton Manning
His type like a curse
Instant karma's going to get him


If I don't get him first!!!


Don't believe in rock 'n' roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns


I...


I...


believe in love


Don't believe in the 60's
The golden age of pop
You glorify the past
When the future dries up
Heard a singer on the radio late last night
He says he's gonna kick the darkness
'til it bleeds daylight


I...


I...


believe in love

Happy Valentine's Day my dears.  xoxoxo

PS - Thank you to the guy who sent me a valentine in January.  You know who you are.  It was the best valentine ever.  xoxo